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User blog:THEJJRAT/Okkkkkk
Chapter enter_password 2222ihEartrainhows69 accepted welcome_back_o5 Open file: re: request Date: REDACTED, 2018 Author: REDACTED Subject: REDACTED I have spoken with O5-7.... and we both agree that there is no reason that you should be using a sample of SCP-008 for an "experiment". What kind of experiment involves a virus that turns people into zombies? open file: re: re: request Date: REDACTED, 2018 Author: Dr. EXPUNGED Subject: REDACTED I assure you that the sample I am seeking is to be out into good use. O5-7 must be ignorant of the new Weapon Treaty, where the Foundation is supposed to be making new technology for the U.S. government in light of the Ravenholm disaster. A weaponized 008 would be perfect in a last effort scenario. open file: re: re: re: request Date: REDACTED, 2018 Author: EXPUNGED Subject: REDACTED Are you crazy? A weaponized 008? Are you aware of what would happen if a terrorist, or North Korea, gets ahold of a friggin zombie disease when it gets transported to their chemical silos? As head researcher of 008, I deny your request, and continued requests will be reported to the O5 Council. open file: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: request Date: REDACTED, 2018 Author: EXPUNGED Subject: REDACTED Alright, I suppose so. I have granted your "team" a modified version of SCP-008 and a sample of the newly recovered "Green Flu". Use it wisely, KB. kkk One day, at Weenie Popper's 7/11.... Weenie Popper was restocking the snack machine, which is the most popular machine in the entire store. He shoved a box of Chips Ahoy and Mars Bars inside of the alien device, that he bought from Mars one night. He then pukes inside of the machine, that creates his brand name Puke Bars. Is it made of puke?! Who knows, just try it! He then read an old newspaper. He collected newspapers. "Giant sea creature attacks New York... Manhattan nuked... Scientists make Earth go bye-bye... Gandalf found cheating on Bilbo with Batman... Local Jack in the Box actually a smuggling front... Japan attacked by Hellstar Remina; Government plans full nuclear attack... Whew, 2007 was a funky year." Suddenly, two scantily clad women with skintight suits enter the store. "Cheer's love, the calvary's here!" the one in yellow screamed, running up the counter. "What'll be?" Weenie asked, teleporting to the counter. "Got any fish and chips, love?" she asked. Weenie raised an eyebrow, then pulling out a plate and putting a raw fish it, along with a bag of doritos. "That's not what I meant, but cheers love!" she said, taking the plate and walking to an eating center table 8000. The one in purple punched a row of chocolate bars, causing them all to fall out. "You stupid bitch!" Weenie screamed, pulling out a MAC-10 and shooting the fuck out of her. She screamed, before getting thousands of bullets through her flesh. She fell to the floor, limb, and a pool of blood grew around her corpse. Weenie then commanded his enslaved gingerian to fix the mess she made. However, a blonde woman entered and revived the purple skinned woman. The purple skinned girl then pulled out a sniper rifle, and shot Weenie in the balls. This did nothing, as Weenie had his balls turned into titanium when he was 3. He then pulls out a gatling gun and opened fire at her lower region, which instantly killed her. Batman then entered the store. "Where's the trigger?!" he screams, picking up the purple woman's corpse. She then comes back to life and kisses Batman. "My love belongs to Talia. Dick off Widowmaker" Batman screams, breaking her legs. "Wot's going on?" Tracer asked, her mouth full of raw fish and doritos. "The Great 7/11ening of 2010." replied Gandalf, who was on a date with Mycroft Holmes. He then sat down on a chair, meeting Tracer. "Cheers love." she said, biting on a dorito. This made Gandalf fall in love, so he dumped Mycroft and studied Tracer. He made a move by pulling out an ancient book and letting her read it for some reason. The Martian Archives: Gold Above: Gold in a bank being robbed by human Papa Acachalla, circa 2014 Above: Gold in a bank being robbed by human Papa Acachalla, circa 2014. Note the Daedric being "AedraTale" in the top left. Gold is a chemical element with symbol Au. With its sexy atomic number of 79, it looks pretty cool and shiny when you melt it down. Used by humans as currency since 600 BC, gold has a wide variety of uses. It can clean your smaggle pot in liquid form, and can be used to treat mucus nipples if sprinkled in a pot of alikar-root soup. Martians, that means us, started using gold at around 123 B.B.K when the Krsh found a shiny rock lodged in King Zion's left nipple. Above: Gold Bars from a human bank on Earth, being robbed by a robber Above: Gold Bars from a human bank on Earth, being robbed by a robber They sent it to a research lab owned by the Ice Warriors, who claimed it was a material named "gold", their source being a doctor. Later, in 900 A.R.K, the Mor-Taxans used it to cook spaghetti. They melted the gold and poured it over raw ramen noodles they acquired from their Earth invasion, and used some pookie dust to make it cheese-like. They added some lightly chopped xenomorph skin, and ton bappètit." The End The End This caused Tracer to get aroused and kiss Gandalf's crusty lips. Holmes saw this and ran away sobbing. Weenie was mining uranium with a pickaxe, that he found after pulling a tile off the floor. Nearly every tile was ripped off now, and Batman was using Widowmaker's broken legs as a pickaxe. Suddenly, a Skyrim guard entered and claimed he was the king of Scotland. Everyone agreed and bowed down to Him. "Haha, Sir Knightly Buttocks is the king!" Batman screamed, bowing before getting a heart attack. And all was well. okkk to outer space. This did this by collecting poop rocks, a plentiful mineral in the Spirit World, and coughing at them. This caused it to turn into a spaceship. They entered and readied the alpha cores, turning it on. However, an equalist jumped onto the ship as it started flying, planning on revenge for his people. They make it off the ground, but Asami falls out and breaks both of her legs. "Uh-oh" a heavy says, who appeared in the ship. "HOO-HAH-HO" Korra screams, punching the heavy in the clavicle. It then screamed and bit her booty, causing her to have a seizure. "I have won." the Heavy said, standing in victory. Korra ceased his seizure and smacked him in the coconuts. "Oh NOOO" Heavy said, projectile vomiting whale liver into her face. She screamed in terror as liquid whale liver entered her mouth, nose, and eyeballs. She then puked out the window of the ship. Suddenly, Jesus appeared and teleported the ship to Earth. "what the flying fuck" the equalist asked, hugging the back of the ship. Suddenly, the ship exploded, sending everyone flying away. "I can smell some ass" Korra said. "me too fam" the heavy replied. The equalist stalked them from a bush, ready to assassinate the Avatar and avenge Amon. He sneaked away, realizing he had no actual weaponry and wouldn't stand a chance fist fighting the fucking avatar. They duo ran down the street and came across a Cluckin' Bell. "What is this?" she asks herself. A giant bell, as well as a cock, is on display. She runs inside and looks around. People eating... meat. Meat! Instead of rice! She is angered. She walks to the counter. "Cockadoodlefuckin'doo, what do you want?" the cashier asks. "wHY ARE YOU EATING CHICKENS YOU EVIL PEOPLE" she screamed and used her water bending to freeze soda water and threw it at the cashier. Unlike her planet, the chunk of ice actually pierced his flesh and ripped his heart apart. He fell to the floor, hitting his chin on the counter, a lifeless corpse on the floor. She was shocked. She had just murdered somebody. How? How could this happen? People could take boulders where she lived! Tears formed around her eyes, running out of the store, but was stopped by a wall made out of police officers. "Halt! You have violated the law!" the officers scream. "BUT I WAS STOPPING THE CHICKEN" she screams in protest. The officers open fire, Korra shielding herself with a wall of ice. The heavy stared in amazement. Due to this ice being made of Bonk! Atomic Punch, the bullets bounced off and pierced the officer's skulls, killing most of them and turning the rest into vegetables. A SWAT team arrives, as well as a GenSec squad. Korra was currently staring at the mountain of dead police officers, dropping to her knees. Suddenly, Spiderman web shoots the wall of ice and flings it away, crushing a squad of GenSec elites. He webs down to Korra, on her knees, and beats the fuck outta her face with super speed, before kicking her in the chest and sending her flying across the room. Confused and enraged, she pulls a chunk of rock out of the floor and throws it at him. Spiderman dodged and stabs her with a brick of cheese. She screams in agony, as the equalist jumps through the window behind her and grabs onto her back. Together, Spiderman and the equalist beat her to a pulp. Heavy watches, eating a number nine with extra dip. Suddenly, Sweet and CJ drove through the drive through as police swarmed the area and filled Korra with bullets. The Payday gang enters the store and starts shooting up the place. "Whatchu want sweet" CJ asks. "wait until the dude comes up nigga" "oh" Suddenly, in the carnage, a heavily injured cloaker took cover in the drive through room, with a thick shotgun wound in his abdomen. "Holy shit, they upped the security on this shit foo'!" Sweet said, in amazement. "I want a number 6." Sweet says. "Yeah, we'll have a number 6, a number 8, two number 45s, extra dip, a Kid's Meal with a Nuka Cola, the number two salad supreme, a bucket of chicken, a Big Chick, a chicken crunch wrap, the number 11 BBQ edition, a milkshake, and a Chic-a-Pizza with a large Spunk." CJ says. The cloaker stares at him, before processing the information. He runs into the kitchen and prepares the food while Spiderman and the police fight the gang. He spends about forty five minutes doing this. He slowly bleeds out, as well. He puts on some scooter boot things like they have at Sonic and slides out of the store. He then presents the food to CJ. "Th-DAAAYYYUUUUM" CJ screams, seeing the cloaker's thick cloaker skin tight camo ass and curves, with those sexy night vision goggles. "wanna go rob a bank with us honey bunches of oats" CJ asked, in love with the cloaker. The cloaker was about to object, but then he remembered the gaping hole in his chest. He complies and gives him the bag of food, and gets in the back of the truck. He sets next to a man in a jacket with a sexy nine o'clock shadow. "Holy cyka blyat, lemme fix that for ya!" Niko Bellic, who was said man, yelled and smacked a green med kit on the wound. The cloaker screamed in agony, but it worked. Meanwhile, the gang had fled and Korra was nothing but a body full of bullet holes. The equalist had fled and joined Anarky. Father Pooper entered the store and dragged her out with his blood bending skills. He then resurrects her and sends her back to the Spirit World. The End MLK So I was playing video games with jacket the dude from hotline Miami and eating pizza when we heard weird noises from outside so I got up and it was shrek who appeared and knocked me out and took jacket and raped his booty but I woke up and i stabbed shreks balls and he yelled and I said no and he then stabbed me but then jacket busted shrek's nuts open with a sledgehammer and he screamed in agony and flew away and I comforted jacket as he had just been raped and he had green goo in his ass and I thought oh no so jacket told me to go get birth control pills so I went to go get the birth control pills in luis' pill store but the pills were being stolen by shrek so I shot them all with my e-11 blaster rifle so they died but shrek and his surviving minions fled so I got back with the pills but jacket was already going into labor so I drove to the hospital and we got him to the doctors office stat and we were gonna get an abortion but the doctor was christian so I said "fuck" and I fell asleep so I woke up earlier and jacket was gone and everyone was dead and I was confused but then the ghostbusters appeared and I was like what and they were like die so I dodged their bullets and grabbed a rocket launcher from a dead Marine and I shot them and they exploded but more came so I seduced them andlicked them in the under places and pleased them before shoving c4s up their dickholes and running away as the hospital exploded with blood so I sfole a car and drove back home wondering what happened so I got to my apartment thing and I went up the stairs and opened my door and there was jacket on my dinner table eating soup and he had a baby it was green with legs and arms and baby stuff and shrek ears but he was wearing cloaker armor even the eye thing I asked him what happened and he said that shit went down and stuff so I said yes and I went to the fridge to find my pizza but it was stolen holy dick so I left the fridge but a bunch of ghostbusters appeared with guns so I grabbed a kitchen knife and slaughtered them but one begged for mercy so I did but he stole the pizza so I stuffed him in the oven and baked him alive for six hours to get golden brown so I went to jacket and said what's his name and he said "cloaky" and I said awww so I went to bed and jacket followed me and he pulled his pantsu down so I was like oh dick and we fucked passionately while listening to sweet home Alabama but I forgot to use my condom so I came inside of him and said fick but he liked it so I said oh then we watched the bee movie the next day I woke up and jacket was cuddling next to me with his chicken mask so I say aw but then I realize so I go the oven and the guy is cooked so I prepare ghost buster bacon and prepare breakfast and i said dinners ready but then a first order stormtrooper came to my door and begged for mercy so I invited him in and me jacket and stormtrooper had bacon and eggs and we discussed the news and the weather SuddenlY I looked outside and there were zombies andi said tickling jews and ran back in and I said zombies and they were like zombies and i said yes so I grabbed my sticky launcher and jacket grabbed his jackets piece and the stormtrooper grabbed his f-11d blaster rifle and we left the house and fought the zombies and I said haha as I blew up the zombies and there were hordes so I blew them up and we left for a safehouse and we needed to get back to. cloaky so we stocked up on ammo but we weren't done yet jacket was a hormonal bitch so he started to strip his clothes and chicken mask and the stormtrooper was like what the fuck and I said rhis is normal and he was shy but we did have an awesome threesome that lasted four hours so we got our clothes back on and left and when we got back home cloaky was already four years old and cooking bacon and I said that's my boy and the stormtrooper asked thats your son and I said yes and he said he had a boy before starkiller base blew up and he died and I thought that was no good and I set up a plan to steal a military time machine to stop the base from exploding in secret so we all had cloaky's bacon and eggs The next day me and jacket left for supplies while the stormtrooper trained cloaky to shoot a blaster and we drove up to Walmart and we entered and we killed the zombies with baseball bats and we got in and started getting stuff and jacket bent down and revealed his fat ass in those tight jeans and I was like damn son and I couldn't resist myself so I slapped those jiggly buns and he blushed and pulled down my pants and sucked me off whole covered in zombie blood and I said whoah lad easy there and he went all out on it like a zebra eating cashrws and my eyes went weird and i exploded but not acurally as in the dicktual explode and he winked at me so we went further into the store and we found two things a life time supply of pizza rolls and a Russian mobster detector and jacket wanked to the Russian detector while we hauled them out and we drove back home and went home and we saw cloaky shooting the fuck out of a dead frog and we were proud To he continued . A few years after Darth Maul was chopped in half, his legs were sitting in a pile of dead bodies, as the hole thing was used as a body dump for the Hutt cartel. Suddenly, a time portal opened. It was Rick Sanchez, holding the corpse of Gary Coleman. Green slime dripped from his chin as he dropped the dead body in the endless pile of corpses, and burped. He then dumped gasoline over the pile and threw a lit match at it as he left through the portal. "oh shit" the legs screamed, becoming sentient and running away. However, this was a bad idea, as the Intergalactic Ghostbusters appeared. They were a team of transdimensional mutant clones of the Ghostbusters from various alternate universes, led by a clone of Starkiller who escaped Kamino. "Halt, ghostly one." one of them said, opening fire at it with an AK-47. "fuck you" the legs said, growing a rocket launcher for a penis and blowing him apart. The others screamed, and pulled out a Black Mesa gluon gun and blew the duck outta his dick. The rocket launcher exploded, but the legs had other plans. It morphed into one of the Ghostbusters, confusing the lot. It then sliced them all in half, before another came with a flamethrower. It burned it's face to a crisp, it screaming in agony as it stabbed the buster in the nuts. The man exploded, while the leg monster burnt dude climbed out of the chaos. Years later, he would found the First Order and take his revenge on the Ghostbusters. A few minutes later, Rick opened another portal, as he forgot his selfie stick. He then stared in confusion at the corpses of Ghostbuster glones. Category:Blog posts